I for one welcome our new Amazonian overlord

So I think it’s pretty clear at this point that Jeff Bezos is a supervillain, but for those doubters out there, I lay out my argument here:

1. Dude looks a lot like Lex Luther.
2. He’s creating an army of Octocoptors, ostensibly to deliver goods to your doors. The reality? Take your pick: nerve gas, headgear that will insert you into his matrix, abduction of children to brainwash them into his ever growing army.
3. That whole searching the ocean floor for relics of the space race thing? Clearly cover to plant explosive charges in seismically sensitive areas in order to blackmail the governments of earth to do his bidding.

2 thoughts on “I for one welcome our new Amazonian overlord”

  1. Funny. As an Amazon employee I must fall under our cone of silence and reply with a simple “No Comment”.

    1. Damn you, Bezos, you evil genius! You just made me one-click Evangelion 3.33: You Can (Not) Redo. This was your plan all along, wasn’t it?

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