Wishmaster is my new favorite horror franchise

Until this past week, I had never seen a Wishmaster film before. I’m not sure why–I’m a huge fan of the genre–but somehow this gem of a franchise had slipped through my clutches. Anyhow, this is why it’s awesome:

Here’s the premise: an old box that contains a cheap-looking red-ruby finds its way into the hands of some attractive girl. Upon releasing said ruby from box, the “djinn” is released. The “ancient prophecy” then states that the djinn (the Wishmaster) needs to have the person–ahem, *always* an attractive girl–who unlocked him make three wishes. Upon fulfillment of the third wish, the Wishmaster’s and his buddies get to infiltrate earth and exterminate humanity. Pretty logical, really.

The third and fourth films pale in comparison since they replaced Andrew Divoff. The Wishmaster of the third film was terrible. As in boring. However, the third film did have The archangel Michael who saved the day with a spear made of 3/4″ copper plumbing. So it’s not like it’s all bad. Seriously, the archangel Michael saved the day. I’m not making this up.

The fourth film tries to make some sort of statement on disabilities and porn. A Very Special Wishmaster. The lead actress’ boyfriend has been in some sort of accident, and their shared high powered lawyer friend is trying to steal her away. The lawyer friend is that dude that always reminds me of that other dude from that terrible three dudes, a dog, and a pizza restaurant TV show from the 90s, who, incidentally, always reminds me of that shitty comedian that everyone likes to hate but always makes me chuckle when I see his on Comedy Central. But it’s not him, or the other him. Anyhow, the Wishmaster cuts off the lawyers’ face and takes him over so that he can get close to the chick who found the ruby, so that he can grant her three wishes and fulfill the prophecy. WHOA! I almost gave up a serious spoiler, I best stop now before I get too far ahead of myself.

Yeah, so, Wishmaster. It’s awesome. Watch it. And don’t say I never did anything for you.