Ugh. I got 99 problems and playing a decent video game is around number six or number seven. It’s somewhere up there, sandwiched between that weird, organic, black soap that I bought off of Amazon that leaves me unconvinced as to its effectiveness due to the black soapy sludge that slides down my thighs (TMI?) when I use it; and the fact that the low tire pressure light in my Jeep came on yesterday and I’m not sure when I’ll have time to deal with that (hopefully it’s before the forthcoming zombie uprising, because, as you know, tires are important when outrunning zombies).
Anyhow, when I do finally get around to playing video games, there seems to be a lot to choose from. Here are my thoughts on the top three PS4 games this holiday season:
J will tell you this is the best thing since sliced bread, but I’m not so sure. This dude practically creamed his pants reviewing the game, and it is getting an 89 on metacritic at the moment. So, yeah, it’s probably good. But I feel like I should have played the old ones. Also, I just feel like maybe this is a precursor to a better fantasy game coming out next year (but not ESO, apparently) and I don’t want to shoot my wizard-wad. I mean wand.
I haven’t been playing much over the past months, but I have played a few hours of ME:SOM. And I gotta say, I’m… underwhelmed. Maybe my expectations were too high based on all of the great reviews and my nerd-boner for Tolkien. I don’t know, something about it leaves me wanting more. It’s very repetitive, there’s a lack of intrigue in discovery. I feel confined to the monotony of Mordor; I want to see other parts of Middle Earth. There are no interesting characters. I don’t get to interact with anyone aside from a bunch of dumb orcs. That said, I’ve only played a bit of the game, and the Orc battle system is pretty rad, so I’m withholding judgement for now.
All they have to do is fix the damn depth controls and this game will be fantastic. Everyone and their moms know that the only bad thing in LBP are the damn controls. It’s understandable though, since the platformer genre is so new.
- COD4 – Looky-here–I’m not into COD. I’m just not. I know you and your bros love it, but I’ve just never gotten into it. I prefer to kill aliens are zombies. Does this make me better than you? Yeah, totally, it does.
- Farcry4 – I’ve never played a Farcry game, but dump a bucket of ice-code interested-sauce on me. If it gets great reviews, maybe I’ll come around. I’m not sure what the game is about, but based on the cover, I think it includes the lead singer of Duran Duran being stranded on a desert island. Or something like that.
- Ass Creed Unity – I played the first AssCreed, and it was solid. From what I hear, the dude from the first Ass Creed is now flying around in a telephone box solving mysteries from the past, but with a British slant (Africa? Where’s that?). It’s possible I have this plot mixed up with something else.
- GTA5 – I hear it’s great, maybe the best video game ever. It’s just not my thing. You know what is my thing? This. And this is my thing too. Basically, all of these things are my thing.
- Dust: An Elysian Tale – it’s free on PSN, and it’s pretty solid. Basically, it’s the story of a boy and his sword. And his weird floating bat-fox sidekick, named Fidget. How can you go wrong with a bat-fox?
Did I say there were a lot of games this holiday season? Boy-howdy, was I wrong. If I’m relying on a bat-fox to save us, well then, those are some shitty games. We need new games. Where are our games?!?!