What I learned from Nintendo’s Financials

So the big N surprised with a profit for the first half of this year (their year starts April 1.) This was thanks in no small part to my massive purchases of WiiU hard and software. Buried in the detail, however, is something quite disturbing. To wit: Nintendo is getting into the “Quality of life” market, with some sort of device that will monitor you while you sleep using microwaves. THEY ARE BEAMING MICROWAVES AT YOUR SLEEPING BRAIN. This is obviously not a serious product, so what is it’s true purpose? This becomes clear once you find out that they are also engaged in something called “Project Giant Robot.” People, it can’t get any clearer than this. They’re screening for, and training potential pilots for their giant robot army while they sleep. So… where can I preorder?

Josh and J are very lonely. Please leave a reply. Pretty please?